Our journey with Autism

This is my first daughter Evie. The wonderful human that made me a Mum. She is also my greatest lesson in life. Evie is Autistic.

Her diagnosis

Evie was diagnosed at 20 months old. Yes that is early and some people don’t believe in diagnosing this young, but being in the early childhood industry for many years has taught me that early intervention is so vital for any child that may have a delay of some sort. At 14 months I spoke to our GP about my concerns as I had noticed Evie's development regress and she was not hitting some of her developmental milestones. He told me that children run their own race and we would reassess her at 18 months. That didn’t sit well with me as I could feel it in my bones that something was not right so I began the process on my own.

I had Evie’s hearing tested (twice), had a speech therapy assessment and had made a pediatrician appointment as I knew it would be a long wait for an appointment. I took Evie back to the GP at 18 months and he agreed that we should look further into it. Evie had a blood test (which was a traumatic experience for both of us) and I was given a referral to the pediatrician.

When the time came for the pediatrician appointment I was prepared! The doctor said “so what brings you here today?”... and I handed over a folder which consisted of her hearing results, speech assessment, blood test results, developmental summaries from childcare and a list of 30 “quirks” I had observed. He spent about 15 minutes interacting with Evie then turned to me and asked “what do you think?”.. I immediately replied “She’s autistic”.. and he agreed.

Tears immediately rolled down my face. The doctor consoled me but these tears were tears of relief! I wasn’t crazy.. my intuition was correct.. all the dots were connecting.. now we can get her the help she needs..

We still needed a behavioral psychologist to assess her which we did and Evie was officially diagnosed with level 2 Autism.

The Grieving Process

I know that nobody died. I get it. However that night when I was alone with my thoughts and the magnitude of the situation hit me, I began to grieve. I grieved the idea of what I thought motherhood would be like for me. I grieved the life I was living because I knew it would all change. I grieved the perfect childhood I had planned for my child and the future I had hoped for her. I went through all 5 stages of grief.

Denial- I went to sleep that night thinking is this actually happening? Maybe it was all in my head and I managed to convince everyone else of it as well.

Anger- What did my sweet baby do to deserve this shit?! Why her? Why us? Why our family?

Bargaining- I prayed that if god made her better he could strike me down with whatever he wanted.

Depression- I felt alone! So alone. I didn’t think that my husband was grasping what the diagnosis meant long term. I didn’t know anyone else going through the same thing. I wanted to know everything about Autism. I became obsessive. I couldn’t sleep. I ate my emotions. I cried constantly (like all day, everyday), I was depressed.

Acceptance- I was at work one day and I heard this poem. It resonated with every emotion I was feeling. I got validation that what I was feeling was normal and ok. This poem also made me realize that I did not lose anything. In fact I gained so much.

I gained a daughter that was unique and sassy and emotional and clever. I gained knowledge about a topic that I knew very little about. I gained confidence in being a mum and knowing that I knew my daughter better than anyone and that I was the biggest comfort for her. I gained purpose in life.

It takes a village

One year on and Evie is thriving. She does swimming lessons and speech therapy weekly. Evie has an obsession with water so it is important to me that she learns how to be safe around water and skills that could save her life one day.

When Evie began speech therapy she would scream and hit her head for 30 minutes straight. This went on for months. I felt awful for subjecting her to this every week but it was so important to persevere. Now she walks in and chooses activities to play with. She is not perfect in each session but she is so much better.

Evie can now tell us what she wants and loves to express herself through singing. She is toilet trained, feeds herself and has no troubles undressing herself. The advances in her development can not be attributed solely to early intervention. Evie has advanced so much because she has an amazing group of people around her everyday that are all in her corner. Our extended family, her doctors, her therapists and especially her childcare teachers give Evie the support to be herself and overcome obstacles and learn new things every single day. They also give Dean and I the support and encouragement we need to know that we are always doing right by our daughter. It truly takes a village to raise a child.

This little human of mine is amazing! She is my inspiration and the love I have for her is endless and unconditional.

Everyones story is different and this is just a small glimpse into our journey. If you need to have a chat, vent or need advice feel free to reach out through my social media outlets.

xxx